EPISODE 3: INNER NINJA + DECISIONS

It’s WEEK 3! What the?! This is very exciting. I gotta say - starting something, and staying consistent with it even just for 3 rounds feels pretty damn incredible. it has created artistic momentum within me, which in turn has built a new layer of confidence. It seems as though the theory of: action + consistency = momentum... which builds confidence, which when compounded brings feelings of massively focused productivity, is scientifically working. The data is proving it. 

This week's piece is totally different than the last two - I'm getting back to my Hip-Hop side. I love this song and I love what it's about. :D 

So, Paralysis through Analysis. My bf taught me this term, and it haunts me quite often. Have you ever felt this way? Where you are analyzing the sh!t out of something, and you... 

LITERALLY.

GET.  

S T U C K.

in this whirlwind of never-ending rationalizations that are doing nothing but halting your creative process and making yourself feel awful?  The funny thing about this predicament, is that we THINK we are being productive because we are considering all the outcomes of of a situation. We are comparing and contrasting every single thing that can or cannot happen, weighing in, weighing out, the whole nine. So our brain is telling us that this is necessary, because how terrible it will be if we make the WRONG DECISION. Oh how dare you, make the wrong decision! It will ruin your life! It will ruin all chances of happiness and you are going to suck in everything forever. 

All of this is bullish*t. Making A DECISION, no matter what it is, is the best thing you can do to propel yourself forward into action. So what if you’re wrong? Then at least you have something to fix. THIS IS AWESOME. You learned something, and now you are smarter, stronger and will know how to improve the next time around.  If you make NO decision, you’re in the same stale, paralyzing place you are lamenting about.  I always thought that I needed to take very large, luxurious, fancy steps to get anywhere near my goals. I love that I was so wrong. 

If there is something you want, that's been lurking in your soul- do yourself a favor and make a simple decision to take a small action towards that goal. It will be so liberating. Share what that small step is in the comments, let's get some accountability going! 

Thank you so much for watching. This is episode THREE. 

Love, Janet (and Sushi)



EPISODE 2: I GOT + OUTSIDE JUDGEMENT

YAHOO! I made it on time to Week #2 of my new unnamed show. I am AWESOME at starting new personal projects. Staying consistent with them? Still a challenge. Yah, it’s just the 2nd one - and it’s another brick laid on top of last week’s, which is building up my new house of this creative venture. I told myself I would be putting out NEW choreography plus a little shooting the breeze about vulnerability every week. I may be one day late, but I still consider this to fall into the every-week span. YES (with fist pump pulling in). It’s been really fun, trying out new filming techniques, exploring more creativity and sharing more of myself with the world. It actually feels quite liberating. 

This week’s piece is a hot little number. Last week was a little emo-intense, this one is flirty fun. I heard this song at a lounge, shazam’d that puppy and knew I had to dance to it.  I have no shame with shazam. I’ll hold that phone up like a lighter at a rock concert in any setting. Restaurant, clothing store, doctor’s office- It’s worth it. 

This week I mention a quote I heard from one of my favorite favorite speakers/authors, Brene Brown. The quote is (along the lines of) “People on the sidelines are waiting to see you fail, so that it justifies the mediocre choices they’ve made in their own lives”. Ok. This quote BLEW MY FREAKIN’ MIND. Think about it for a second. It totally changes the perspective when you are taking in judgement from the outside bystanders. I interpreted this as, the people that are on the outskirts of the arena, don’t have enough courage to jump in. So they are anticipating a fall from you, so that it makes them feel okay with the safe/less desirable choices for their own lives. WTF. I think that is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. YET, it offers a lot of eye-opening juicy perspective. Now, when I feel judged, negatively criticized, hateration, etc. it actually UPLIFTS me, because if I’m being judged, that means I’m taking a risk. That means I’m doing something that others are waiting to see me fail at. Why would they be interested in seeing me fail? Why would it concern them SO MUCH? Well, now we know the answer. On top of that, I want to fail. A lot. I’d prefer a thousand failures over 2 successes. Then I know I worked perilously towards something I care deeply for, and now have the experience, knowledge and tools to be better, stronger and smarter. 

Now, can YOU think about the last time you felt judged from a non-loving place? When you apply the above perspective, does it change the way you feel? Does it empower you to know YOU are the one taking a courageous risk versus staying safe on the sidelines? I’d LOOOVE to hear from you. Let’s start a conversation to empower our fellow artistic community. Let your voice be heard in the comments!  

Thank you so much for watching. This is episode TWO. 

Love, Janet (and Sushi)

MY BRAND NEW YOUTUBE SHOW! WOOOOO!

O. M. G. I am finally doing this! I have been wanting to do this for soooooooo long and I have to thank my incredible boyfriend for kicking my ass in gear to actually get it going.  I have taken on a big, scary challenge. It has been sitting in my brain forever, budding with branches of ideas and sparks and visions. Yet alas, it stayed there in my brain for a very long, sad, lonely, dark, trapped time…until now! 

So here’s the truth. For a while now, I have felt, very… incomplete, lacking, non-abundant. I knew that I was pushing away the thing that I love most and I didn’t know why. I was pushing it wayyyy down deep inside of me and was being too cool for school to acknowledge that I was taking part in this behavior. Everything was FINE. Yes, I said FINE. FINE SUCKS! I HATE FINE! Fine is adequate. Fine is mediocre. For me, FINE just isn’t good enough. Not only was it not good enough, it was BREAKING MY ASS DOWN. The weird thing was, I didn’t really know this was happening. I knew that I was having trouble sleeping at night. I knew that when people would ask “How are you?” it was like the death question. I still struggle with that one, honestly. It’s so simple, but so loaded. I will get into that on another blog/episode. 

Anyways, back on topic. Can you tell I’m an ADD loony? I thought about censoring, editing…but then I said, you know what - that’s who I am, so deal with it. I’m all over the place. I’m a spaz. I’m a Gemini. I can change personalities in a split second based on environmental changes. Okay, I know that sounds scary. Whatever. I’m done with trying to be the perfect fit. I’m done. Done, done DONE. Take me or leave me. I’m sticking to it. 

My anxiety, was being caused by continuously trying to figure out what was wrong with me…why I wasn’t good enough…why I wasn’t doing x and y yet…why this person was doing this and I’m still doing that. Why I couldn’t create this, or express that, or come up with this, or get this job, or go this place or pick this thing up, or blah blah blah blah blah blah BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! 

The mind is a crazy place. Trust me, I feel crazy on a daily basis. Not felt, FEEL. I am saying all of this- because when I read about someone in my similar place in life, occupation, etc. and they are vulnerable enough to put their truth out there- I AM INSPIRED. I am not only inspired, but glimmers of hope re-appear and move me to take action. 

With that said- 

Welcome to the very FIRST episode of my BRAND NEW unnamed SHOW!!! This is a big ol’ work in progress and I will be learning as I go. The challenge I set for myself is to put out a new video every week (or two weeks, let me be honest as I get my shit together) and shoot it in my newly formed DIY home studio. I call it a studio, and it’s really just a painted wall, a couple of lights and some other makeshift stuff, but it’s a START! That’s exactly the BLOCK I’ve been having.  So, I’m demolishing that block by just effing STARTING. Yah, there’s a ton that can be worked on and improved. TRUST I know. Yet if I don’t start, I won’t get to improve on anything. HALLEMUTHAF-INGLUJAH. 

My goal with this experimental project is to not only feature choreography, but to be vulnerable in doing so. This is my main intention for 2015. Through vulnerability, and having the courage to expose who I truly am, comes my honest, most creative, authentic self. The world is going to judge us anyways, so we might as well do what the hell we want! 

Thank you for watching. This is episode ONE. 

Love, Janet 

More than a pageant...

I'm back home after an eventful, emotional and really fun two weeks. It's a trip when two weeks ago feels like two months because of the long days and experiencing so many moments. Being a part of Miss Universe/Miss USA as an assistant choreographer is so much more than "working a pageant" for me.  Each show, I learn more and more about the fast-paced tv production world and I love all of it. This is one of my favorite gigs to be a part of, as each show brings variety and new challenges with the different guest artists, set design, stage layouts, wardrobe, themes, host cities, new ideas, new girls, people from all over the world, different languages, and more. Pageants were never my thing, and the concept of them still brings up controversial thoughts in my head. Yet amongst the pageant canvas, I have the opportunity to choreograph, create, collaborate, mess up, learn, grow and use my geek-ness with numbers.

Above all I get to be amongst an amazing group of people of whom I’m constantly pushed and educated by. Moreover, having been a part of this tight choreography team is what I cherished most. Thank you to Stephani Kammer for continuing to believe in me and for challenging me like no other. You helped make a huge shift in my belief system on this trip and I will honor that forever. Thank you to Liz Ramos for being an incredible compadre. So fun, so inspiring with a beautiful energy and I feel like we were meant to connect.  Thank you Lu Sierra for the laughs, the wisdom and always keeping my game in check. Thank you
Rob Sellers for being a great captain of the ship. I greatly admire your work ethic and leadership. Thank you to the Miami dancers who worked so hard in a very short amount of time.  It was such a treat to have Kevin Maher and the LA dancers there as well.  Thank you to the entire Miss Universe staff and crew for this opportunity once again. To some, I know this is just another gig. I’m not ashamed to say that this particular gig, this time around - gave me a new lens to see things through. For that, I am grateful. 

Lisa Vanderpump

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The truth is, pursuing a career in entertainment is HARD. It's painful, it's exhausting, mentally and emotionally draining, and makes you question more things about yourself and life than you ever thought possible. But there's a reason why all of us crazies are still doing it.  There's a reason why we carry forward and march on with pride.  We know that it would be EVEN MORE PAINFUL to look back years from now and say...

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